Author: Løfte

A lot of people ask for suggestions on how to treat Morgellons Disease. In the early years of living with it we all tried everything and shared results in social media groups, and at that time I exuberantly shared as well.

---

I think PTSD from the constant pain and loss this disease causes has stopped me from engaging in those groups. Not because of the people, but the fight or flight response from immersing the brain with the terrifying images which we all are forced to try to reconcile and understand on our own, in the photo libraries on our phones. And perhaps the grief borne from not being able to help anyone else or even myself.

I mean, who really wants advice from me when my face continues to visibly ulcerate away?

A few years ago I had the opportunity to be a formal tester for a new two-part topical system for Morgellons. It’s called TCO and the acronym stands for “Truth Comes Out”. I was impressed with the product despite the mess and discomfort of using it. Because I was the “alpha tester”, I was asked to find at least 50 beta testers from my own online community before it hit the shelves, so to speak.

My deep desire to help other people suffering with this hideous disease fueled me and I found about 60 people who wanted to try it. The owner, who’s whole family has the disease, charged everyone 50 bucks to participate and he also asked them for feedback and photos. I hated having to tell people who were already struggling financially after trying everything to heal that they had to pay that much, but we all need help NOW— yesterday even— and people were willing to pay.

It didn’t help everyone, but a lot of people were amazed. The product was designed to be a tool to show doctors in the moment, at appointments, that fibers indeed were coming out of our skin, that these aren’t contaminants, they are human bio-proteins. I thought it was genius, but really, doctors won’t even look at that.

The deal offered to me from TCO was to give me 10% of the company in exchange for them taking advantage of my platform. I turned that down because I didn’t want my comrades to think I was in it for financial gain. I just wanted them to try the product and find some- ANY- measure of healing.

---

Instead of being a part owner, I asked if I could just have free product sent to my house every month for my 3 kids and myself, and they were thrilled with that deal and so was I.

---

However, once business started rolling in for them, I suddenly was far less important to them than they buttered me up to think I was. I only received product two times. While I still stand by that product being helpful for exfoliating, I stopped using it because not only do I have zero respect for the owner, but the cold and messy discomfort wasn’t worth the benefit anymore, nor my money.

OK I’LL CUT TO THE CHASE!

I found a new product and it BLOWS TCO AND ANY OTHER TOPICAL OUT OF THE WATER. I could blabber on and on about it because it is absolutely changing my life. But I’m going to try and keep it simple and just suggest that you find some of this product as soon as possible if you have Morgellons and especially if you suffer with non-healing skin lesions from any disorder. Every single time I use it my skin heals more.

• It DOES NOT STING
• ONE STEP, not two! Also no product waste because it is thick, and a little goes a long way
• It’s all natural with 14 plant-based ingredients
• It has a very light pleasant scent and it’s mild enough for most people with sensitivity to perfumes
• No mess because you use it in the shower or bath and rinse it off.
• This works instantly and I suggest using it after washing the body with soap, when the skin has softened and the pads of your bare fingers help it exfoliate as well. You will feel the debris rubbing off as you massage the lesions or thick skin areas.
• The white debris can stick in your hair around the hairline but it does easily comb out
• I will definitely be giving my teenagers this product to prevent acne as well, since they have Morgellons and the hyperkeratosis that comes with it

As I write this I am on the road and unable to edit this the way I like to do on my laptop, but I just had to share the news- even via my phone- because I know how many people need this product and the sooner the better.

When I get to my laptop I will share some photos and show you what this has done for me in the past week.

But trust me— GET YOUR HANDS ON SOME GENIE FEET please! I have nothing to do with the company but I’m clearly a passionate fan!

Many people ask me what I have done to look the way I do, assuming I have found a way toward remission, and hoping I have answers that can help them achieve the same.

I wish that were true.

I want to help comrades (and strangers alike) who are suffering from Morgellons Disease. The fact is that when you are looking at photos of me on Facebook when I’m not advocating for Morgellons awareness, you are seeing me trying to enjoy normal life. I’m not baring anything, in fact I am camouflaging everything.

Any Morgellons patient will tell you that this takes an effort unlike most we are called to put forth in life; to be engaged in life with others who do not have Morgellons means we must first try to mute or stifle the most obvious symptoms in order to see and hear beyond the roar of disease.

And the truth that we all stumble upon eventually, when meandering the crumbling halls of the hurt on the internet: there simply is no ONE answer. Different things work at different times; a maddening and confounding fact we find out after the seconds of suffering become days that add up to weeks and months and years and the dollars and time lost looking for help or for a cure that doesn’t exist seem to mount exponentially as well.

We find out that we cannot accurately measure and devise plans for anyone but ourselves here. Even the most savvy “lyme-literate doctors” have a hard time untangling these zoonotic polyinfections and deciding what to treat first. Because there is an order to things… certain infections produce by-products and turn on genetic factors and growth factors that make other infections impossible to treat effectively unless in a particular order.

All of that said, I think you get my point: As much as I wish I had the answers to help anyone and everyone, I simply do not. I don’t have the answers to heal myself, nor anyone else. I have a voice, that is all.

Ok I have makeup, too. Although it breaks my heart that I took my healthy skin for granted years ago. I have always worn makeup, and in fact did makeup for clients professionally as a cosmetologist for many years before this disease made it too difficult professionally, and chemically.

This is what I look like. I used to post about it publicly for many years on my regular Facebook profile. I know it helped me at the time, and many others around the globe, thanks to their messages of gratitude. These days I am trying to immerse myself into regular life and real love finally, so I am turned toward joy and perhaps less toward my work of validating others.

There was a question from a beautiful sister recently, asking if I still get lesions. This question was from a sweet girl whom has very similar facial effects from this disease. This post is for her. This is reality.

Just because I can do some alright spackle-work doesn’t mean I have ever reached remission. I almost did, once… that was after 1.5 years of double antibiotics aimed at my bartonella infection. A quick relapse ensues every time I stop antibiotics, so I keep spackling.

This isn’t to say there is no hope. There is plenty. I haven’t been able to afford a Lyme doctor at all for almost a year. I almost lost my mind and memory treating my borrelia infection with disulfiram.

But I found love. It isn’t easy. Sometimes it feels safer and easier to be alone. But that is the most dangerous place, in my experience. The only time I believe that lie that I tell myself is when fear and vulnerability derail my mind. The thing is, my own childhood-trauma reactions are the only thing that cause me to believe that I’m not worthy of love. In fact, I am SO supported by and comfortable with my man about Morgellons that one of my favorite times of a day with him is when he brings me a cup of coffee in the morning and sits and visits with me while I spackle. I don’t have to hide. But I still love makeup.

(Self explanatory before and after-makeup photos taken this week on the same day. It’s not perfect, but I can grocery shop for my kids without feeling like everyone is staring at me, I can go to work most days, and I can smile back at my partner without looking away. When you have this disease, these things are HUGE.)

This post is dedicated to my friend Wendy. 💗

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

Maya Angelou

It’s time to tell our stories… as many as we can. If you’d like to participate, please let me know and I will arrange a time for an interview. Below you will find the list of questions you’ll be asked.

Schedule your interview today by emailing me at:

saltyessays@gmail.com

This interview is casual and can easily be broken into up to three different video calls. I will take notes as we go over the ten questions and then i will take my time honoring you by doing an authentic and respectful write-up which you have the final editorial say over.

INTERVIEW QUESTIONAIRE:

These interviews will be conducted over video call, but published in written form, not as a video.  Before publishing I will be sharing exactly what I have written from our video call, so there will be absolutely no surprises. 

This list of questions is just to prepare those who want to participate with the exact questions that will be asked. 

Thank you for your honestly, willingness, and openness.  Our stories deserve to be told.

• NAME, AGE, WHERE YOU CURRENTLY LIVE.  (generalizations like “young adult” or “middle aged” and “SW USA”or “Canada”  are ok if it makes you more comfortable, FOR ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS.)

• WHERE DID YOU LIVE AS A CHILD?  (Please describe whether it was urban, rural, etc)

• WHEN DID YOU REALIZE SOMETHING WAS WRONG PHYSICALLY, AND WHAT WERE YOUR INITIAL THOUGHTS OF WHAT IT COULD BE?

• WHEN DID YOU REALIZE IT WAS SPECIFICALLY MORGELLONS?  WHAT SYMPTOMS WERE CAUSING YOU TO REALIZE THAT’S WHAT WAS WRONG?

• DESCRIBE YOUR FIRST EXPERIENCE(S) SEEKING HELP FOR WHAT WAS HAPPENING.

• DID DOCTORS TRY TO DIAGNOSE YOU WITH OTHER THINGS? WHAT WERE THOSE MISDIAGNOSES?

• DID YOU EXPERIENCE ANY ABUSE FROM DOCTORS? DESCRIBE THE TYPES OF NEGLECT OR ABUSE YOU EXPERIENCED AND HOW IT MADE YOU FEEL.

• WAS YOUR FAMILY THERE FOR YOU?  IF NOT, HAVE THEY COME AROUND OVER TIME?

• HAVE YOU LOST ANY RELATIONSHIPS WITH FAMILY OR FRIENDS DUE TO HAVING THIS DEVASTATING DISEASE?

• HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED ANY AMOUNT OF REMISSION?  WHAT HAS HELPED YOU THE MOST?  (these can be things that helped physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.)

This is an effort to give myself the space for what I can’t always feel or say in other places, and to give others with Morgellons Disease validation for the devastation which I too have long been filtered by.

Too many of us lose family and friends on this journey. Sadly, it’s because this thing is too difficult to understand. We can give LOVE without fully understanding, though.

I don’t have any answers. I only want to share the gift of honesty and understanding in the form of the only thing I have to give at this point: my thoughts in writing. Writing about this doesn’t come easily for me; the trauma of recalling the trauma… in order to capture the most honest essence in written form feels counterintuitive to healing. Because of that, the fact that I am still healing… means I have to stop feeling guilty when I can’t find the words.

When I can find the words, I will put them here. If you don’t hear from me, chances are I’m just leaning into a more joyful existance. I feel lucky to be alive. 📝